I don’t know if you’ve ever been dumped over text, but I sure have. Three times. The thing is, most guys are too chicken to do it face to face. I received a text yesterday from my now ex boyfriend whom I haven’t seen in two months because he’s visiting his dad in Seattle. He “didn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment”. I thought this was complete BS. He had just days earlier told me how happy he was that I was his girlfriend. I’m sick and tired of idiotic guys doing this to perfectly nice girls, so I wrote a guide on how to get over being dumped.
If you’re reading this you’ve probably just been through a breakup. It sucks, I know all too well. Sometimes you are fortunate enough to be the one breaking up with your significant other. This is not quite as heartbreaking, but difficult to do nonetheless. It hurts to lose someone you have romantic feelings for. Your first breakup might be crushing, I understand. Though I hope with all my heart that’s it not.
A mutual breakup is a bit more reassuring, if nothing else. But for the times when it’s not mutual or you dumping the other person, I’ll be there for you. I sincerely hope that reading this guide will help you realize that it’s not the end of the world. I consider it more of a new beginning to something great.
Stage 1: Shock/Numbness
Whether it’s in person or in a text message, do not panic! A natural human reaction is to be upset, angry, and want to react to your ex through these emotions. Take a deep breath. It’s okay. If the breakup is in person, say “Okay, goodbye.” Then smile and walk away. If it’s over text message/other social media, text/message back “K”. This will let the other person know they no longer have power over you and lead them to believe you are not upset, even if you’re heartbroken. A simple response will leave the ex confused as to why you’re not upset. If they try to talk/call/text you immediately following the breakup, DO NOT respond.
Stage 2: No Contact Rule
Following your breakup, you will have the urge to communicate with your ex to either have closure or possibly get back together. Unfollow/unfriend them on social network sites immediately. Delete their number if need be. Remove anything that will tempt you to resume contact with your ex. Talking to them again will not bring you closure or help you move on. They are not your friend. Go to family and close friends. Talking to THEM is what will help you move on in the long run.
Stage 3: Get Rid of the Cute Presents
Next, remove any items or letters from your ex. You may burn them, but a better option is to pack them away in a box and stuff them in the closet, if you may ever want them again. Having their stuff around will not help you miss them less. There may be a song, for example, that reminds you of your ex. Remember, this song is not directly tied to your ex. They do not own that song. If you like that song (just an example), continue listening to it. Do not let memories of your ex ruin something you love.
Stage 3: Recover
After you breakup and the days following, give yourself a little time to mourn. It’s okay that you miss them. Listen to music, play video games, watch Dirty Dancing, play dress up whatever. What I find helpful is to have a cup of tea or hot chocolate, it calms the soul. Another option if you’d like is to write down all the things you dislike about your ex, explaining why he or she isn’t right for you. After that, write down all the qualities you like about yourself that make you unique. Sounds cheesy, but it makes you feel better.
What this all comes down to is that you have to get over your ex. The sooner you do, the better.It’s complicated by example. Eventually you will need to accept that it’s out. Let the new you shine though. Put on some nice clothes, invite over your friends, go party, etc. You may be having thoughts such as “I’m so hard to deal with, I’ll never find anyone else who will want to be with me.” The truth is, there will be others that like you or perhaps even love you. I was so sad after my first breakup. But look at me, 2 boyfriends later (more by now) and I’m still rocking. Most importantly, don’t rebound. In other words, don’t go our with someone immediately after you breakup simply because you’re lonely. This new relationship will not last at all. It’s also not fair to your new boyfriend/girlfriend because you don’t actually have genuine feelings for them. You actually want your ex. As a rule of thumb, wait at least one month before you go out with another person. Do, however, flirt with other people or improve relationships with friends. After all, you don’t breakup with friends.
Stage 4: Lookin’ Good
It’s now a couple weeks to a moth after your breakup. Your confidence is back up, you’re feeling ok. Your heart is mended, excluding a few little cracks. You may be ready for another relationship, you may not. Everyone is different. If you run into your ex at school or elsewhere, don’t flip out. You can either politely ignore him or her, or just say hi. You are allowed to greet then, but do not start a conversation, especially about anything related to the breakup. I personally don’t care to become friends again with my exes. It’s too painful. Remember, always keep your cool. Don’t let him or he see that you’re still upset. You can go home and have a fit about it, as long as your ex doesn’t see it. A breakup is an emotional game better played with experience.
Stage 5: A New Special Someone
So, you’re ready to move on to the next sweetheart? First, determine how much you think about your ex. If he or she is a distant, irrelevant memory, go ahead and try again with someone new. If you still have lonely nights thinking about that person, maybe you still need time to heal. Just be cautious not to get involved in a relationship too fast. Also avoid ones that you think might harm you in the long run, which I guess goes without saying. Take into account what you learned from your past relationship. There are obviously things you would have done differently or the same. The purpose of teenage dating is to go out with multiple people and decide what qualities you admire in a person. To assist you in making the same mistake in your next relationship, make a list of what you liked about the relationship and what you disliked. This could help guide you future relationships, so keep this list handy.
Stage 6: Congratulations! You Have Survived a Breakup!
I made sure to include every accurate piece of breakup advice as I could. I hope this helps you in your time of need. Remember, be strong!