Today, it hit me. I was lying in bed this morning, just going through my Instagram on my iPhone. I liked my friends’ photos, then had a thought. I would check my ex boyfriend’s Instagram, just to see how he was doing. I have honestly been doing this a lot lately. Not stalking him, just seeing how he is due to the fact that we have no communication otherwise.
It was so easy to do, just two quick clicks and there he was. He would have no idea that I even looked at his profile. No harm done, right? Wrong. This needed to stop. I had written some post-breakup rules in my previous post, and I wasn’t even following them myself. It was time to really move on.
As I was thinking this morning, I realized why the No Contact Rule is one of the most difficult to follow after a breakup. We are used to having that special someone in our life. We might text every second of the day, hang out all the time, or Facebook message 24/7. But now, your life is different without that person. It may even be completely unfamiliar, depending on the length of the relationship. With all this extra time on our hands, we might get desperately lonely. It’s tempting to check up on our ex using social media. It’s fast and often discreet. The truth is, however, we are using social media to continue a connection with our ex. This connection must be severed in order for us to move on.
Here is what happens when the No Contact Rule is broken via social media:
1. We get lonely and the temptation to stay part of our ex’s life is too much to bear.
2. We click a few buttons and see what our ex is up to.
3. We might see something that upsets us that the ex is doing (starting a new relationship or something negative about the breakup).
4. We get upset and those thoughts of our ex keep popping up.
5. We are still hung up on someone who probably isn’t hung up on us.
The main problem here is that when we see our ex, either through social media or in real life, it sparks unnecessary thoughts. These could include regrets about the breakup, second guessing yourself, or putting yourself down. Now that these thoughts are back in our head, we have even more trouble getting over him or her.
The bottom line is, don’t speak to, message, text, call, etc., your ex. You need at least a 2-3 months before you even think of doing this. Shut him or her out of your life. They are not a part of it any longer. I know it’s hard. I know it sucks. If you find yourself tempted to break the No Contact Rule, go do something. Whether it’s reading a book, taking a walk, meditating, meeting a friend, or just watching the telly, it’s something distracting. I have faith in you that you have the willpower to do this. Good luck. 🙂