I Hate Feelings

Feelings are my worst enemy, as I believe they would be anyone else’s as well. They don’t behave when they’re taking up space in your head, they quite often do the opposite of your request. The more you deny their grimy contagiousness, the more evident they become.

Only one person I’ve ever met has made me so overwhelmed with feeling. I can’t tell you why. He’s not out of the ordinary, or amazing, or even stands out among the rest. He’s actually average. There’s nothing extraordinary about him except the fact that he’s like electricity. My heart beats really fast and I feel dizzy. I shouldn’t feel this way, because I know it didn’t work the first time.

I spent a second alone with him and that fire I had put out so vigorously suddenly caught spark with the wind and was ablaze again. I’ve been shutting out these thoughts ever since, because they can’t be trusted in any respect. I wish I could stop asking why.

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