When in the course of dating life, it becomes necessary to openly express my disapproval of breakups via text message, then the reasons for this separation should be declared.
I hold these truths to be self-evident: – that breakups should take place in the company of the significant other; that I shall obtain the right to punch my significant other in unmentionable places; that I shall be able to shout profane language in his company afterward; that I may see him crumble to the ground at the thought of life without me; that he will pay in full for his heartless actions.
The history of the breakups via txt message is a history of repeated offenses:
they have subjected me to endless nights without closure, pondering the real reason he ended the relationship;
they have caused me to feel violent emotions of rage and woeful loneliness;
they have made me waste hours on end searching Google for remedies to my broken heart;
they have resulted in me calling my best friends at odd hours to have them reassure me that I can “do better”;
they have ended in gluttonous consumption of ice cream and other tasty treats;
they have caused me to sit by my communication device for an eternity, waiting for an apologetic reply;
they have tempted me to send witty, devious message to my ex ;
they have made me wonder why he thinks I deserve to be treated in this manner;
they have destroyed my confidence in the security of any relationship.
In every state of these oppressions I have held back my emotions; I have assured myself that this would never happen again; I have responded with understanding and acceptance, I have not let it bring down my spirit; I have let it go without hesitance.
I, therefore, the teenage girl solemnly publish and declare independence from breakups via text message.