My Declaration of Independence

When in the course of dating life, it becomes necessary to openly express my disapproval of breakups via text message, then the reasons for this separation should be declared.

I hold these truths to be self-evident: – that breakups should take place in the company of the significant other; that I shall obtain the right to punch my significant other in unmentionable places; that I shall be able to shout profane language in his company afterward; that I may see him crumble to the ground at the thought of life without me; that he will pay in full for his heartless actions.

The history of the breakups via txt message is a history of repeated offenses:

they have subjected me to endless nights without closure, pondering the real reason he ended the relationship;

they have caused me to feel violent emotions of rage and woeful loneliness;

they have made me waste hours on end searching Google for remedies to my broken heart;

they have resulted in me calling my best friends at odd hours to have them reassure me that I can “do better”;

they have ended in gluttonous consumption of ice cream and other tasty treats;

they have caused me to sit by my communication device for an eternity, waiting for an apologetic reply;

they have tempted me to send witty, devious message to my ex ;

they have made me wonder why he thinks I deserve to be treated in this manner;

they have destroyed my confidence in the security of any relationship.

        In every state of these oppressions I have held back my emotions; I have assured myself that this would never happen again; I have responded with understanding and acceptance, I have not let it bring down my spirit; I have let it go without hesitance.

        I, therefore, the teenage girl solemnly publish and declare independence from breakups via text message.

 

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